Oh deer!

Our state capitol, Helena, has an on-going problem with deer in town, and it even had controlled hunts by game wardens after people were chased, including a paperboy who had to ditch his bike and hide under a car when charged by a large buck.

Ornamental shrubs were also taking a beating. The last I heard, more deer were back, and the council was frantically working on some kind of new control scheme. Fort Benton had a special two-day season a few years back where 37 were shot in town and bordering areas. Those two settlements are different than most of our local villages in that their problems are with mule deer.

Now there is talk of finding a solution for “too many whitetail” in Missoula and Bozeman. All communities in the Flathead have goodly populations of whitetail. Only minor complaining was during the winter several years back when residential shrubbery was damaged by hungry critters during an especially bad winter, the one that killed cherry trees around Flathead Lake; however, there has been no noticeable public outcry for government action.

Can recall reporting about 10 years ago when six whitetail were killed by vehicles during one 24-hour period in Whitefish and immediate area. Worst year for deer in my neighborhood of Kalispell’s southeast and abutting suburb of Greenacres was five years back, when I personally counted 10 whitetail does and fawns killed on Woodland Avenue within city limits. This year so far, there were two killed on Woodland in one day, again young females. Have never heard if any agency keeps a running record or totals.

Although I’ve been a hunter all my life, I also have great respect and fondness for these beautiful creatures. Our neighbors reported seeing 15 in our yard one winter morning two years ago, probably because our large yard has six fruit trees we don’t utilize and is completely enclosed by a four-foot fence containing shrubs and other trees, a fairly safe place from dogs. The deer are here at varying hours every day and night. Five is the most I’ve seen at one time. Only a few bucks.

Recently, some wag over in Helena suggested letting the wolves come into town, but that will probably only happen if the ultra-preservationists keep filing lawsuits to hold up practical wolf control programs designed by government biologists.

I have a better solution. Last Saturday, my wife and son were playing cribbage in the dining room while three deer were nibbling grass in the front yard. Suddenly a doe went up to our young Korean mountain ash, bit off a mouthful of fresh lower leaves and eagerly ate them while our ever alert watchdog casually watched from the patio.

I’m not making this up. Iris opened the front door, went out on the porch, looked that deer straight in the eye and said, “No! No! Do not eat off that tree.” The deer exchanged glances, seemed to nod, then obediently went back to nibbling grass and did not go near that tree again. Iris assured Shannon and I, “That doe will tell the other ones.” Shan and I are seriously thinking of contracting her out to work afflicted towns. Surely, Iris is a “deer whisperer.”

G. George Ostrom is a national award-winning Hungry Horse News columnist. He lives in Kalispell.