Coming to grips with an infant's death

We all have family, friends and acquaintances whose lives have been touched in one or many ways with cancer. Once again, we became aware of this with the death of Cole, almost 17 months old, Sunday, Jan. 15. Another reminder that death is no respecter of age, and takes both the very young and very old.

Cole was born Aug. 17, 2010. Cole's physical checkup when he was one year old showed he was a healthy boy. The family's lives collapsed less than two months later, Oct. 2, when he became seriously ill.

Doctors called an ambulance, and Cole was taken to Children's National Medical Center, Washington, D.C. Next came diagnosis of rhabdoid tumor, very rare, very deadly, children's cancer. Days of frequent hospitalization with massive chemo, extensive testing, were routine. Photos showed a smiling baby.

Two months ago, Nov. 18, seemed to have good news. Hopes were chemo working and tumors shrinking. Initial radiology reports told tumors in lungs were no longer visible, one in liver shrunk almost in half, large mass in kidney still large but smaller than before.

Itty Bitty was fighting a good fight. Prayer circles went round and round throughout the United States. Caring Bridge e-mails through the Medical Center were used for contact. His mother sent e-mails and photos and several could receive updates at one time. It was great.

Hopes remained high until Jan. 12, when Cole's mother's Caring Bridge report was: "This will most likely be my last journal posting. Cole came home this afternoon.

"We learned yesterday that the cancer was winning and we would be ending treatment and moving to comfort. This morning, he had a CT done to make sure what the doctors were seeing on ultrasound and through his system was correct. The news was worse than first thought. The tumors have taken over and spread throughout.

"Our time with him will be short. Hospice is taking care of him at home, and we are able to manage his pain and make him comfortable. He sleeps a lot, then wakes up for a drink of water and looks around for a bit. We feel at peace knowing he is home, knowing he is not suffering. Surrounded by his family and things familiar.

"We are all doing OK and taking our emotions as they come. Our Itty Bitty brought a lot of happiness to our lives and touched a lot of people, for that we are grateful. I wish I could call each of you personally and thank you for the amazing support we have received over the past three months. Your words of encouragement, support and prayers have carried us through some rough days. Lanie and Jesse Sandefer, Chase and Cody."

Gladys Shay is a longtime resident and columnist for the Hungry Horse News.