Family is reunited after 23-year search

Roger Frederick honored an Oklahoma judge’s request and delayed meeting his real mother for 23 years. But the patience paid off when they were reunited July 24 at the Expressions senior home in Columbia Falls. Also there to greet Roger was his long-lost sister.

Born in El Reno, Okla., in 1945, Roger was adopted as an infant by a family that owned a farm. He graduated from high school and enlisted in the Marines. During his four-year stint, he served in Vietnam and met and married his wife, Margy.

Returning to Oklahoma, Roger got into the floor covering business, a career that lasted nearly 30 years. He and Margy eventually set up their own business in Denton, Texas, where he lives today. They retired and sold the business to one of their two sons.

Roger always knew he was adopted, but he didn’t start looking for his parents until 1989. One Friday, he and Margy drove up to El Reno to see a judge. Roger’s adoption was an “open” one, but the judge was apprehensive.

“She made me promise not to interrupt my mother’s life,” Roger said. “I asked the judge for my real birth certificate and got it that afternoon.”

Margy remembered it was late in the day and it looked like the clerk in the cage downstairs was going to blow them off.

“I got emotional and told him how important it was to us,” she said.

The birth certificate had been filled out in pencil and had Roger’s mother’s maiden name. The next day, they drove up to Allen, Okla., and asked for the oldest deacon at the First Baptist Church. After a few phone calls, the Fredericks learned that Roger’s mother lived about 20 miles away in Holdenville, Okla.

“I had a plan,” Roger said. “Identify her and then think about it.”

They drove to Holdenville and stopped at a Texaco gas station for directions.

“I was really nervous,” Roger said. “Any one of the men standing around whittling and telling stories could have been my father.”

Luella Douglas and her husband had moved back to Oklahoma from California and retired to a neat little white house with an RV and a boat parked in front. The Fredericks drove back to a nearby Wal-Mart to use a pay phone.

“My idea was to call and ask if the date Jan. 12, 1945, meant anything to her and then see where the conversation went,” Roger said. “But nobody was home.”

By Monday, the judge had passed on the name of a woman at the Oklahoma Department of Human Services who agreed to contact Roger’s mother by phone. Luella acknowledged she was Roger’s mother but said she wasn’t ready to make contact with Roger.

And so the long-awaited reunion was put on hold for 18 years. Then Margy’s mother, who read the statewide obituaries everyday in an Oklahoma City newspaper, contacted the Fredericks in 2007 and said Luella’s husband had died.

Roger said he had made a promise to the judge in 1989 and wanted to hold that trust, but he also wanted to see his real mother. So he and Margy drove up to Holdenville for the funeral.

“There was a tremendous snow and ice storm that day, and it was very cold,” he said. “I drove up in my bright red Jeep and hid it in an alley behind the funeral home.”

The ground was so cold, the cemetery crew had trouble digging the grave, Roger recalled. Trying to be discrete and pretending to be taking photos of grave sites, he trained his camera on the funeral gathering under a tent about 100 feet away.

“It was paramount in my mind that I get a photo of my mother to compare with myself,” he said.

Roger had also learned from the obituary that he had a sister.

Kay Douglas was born in Ada, Okla., and was raised by her mother and father in California. She married Earl Hargis 44 years ago, a retired pastor. They came to Montana in 1981, first Stevensville and then Bigfork.

In 2005, as Kay’s mother and father needed assisted living, the Hargises brought them to Bigfork. After Kay’s father died, the Hargises moved her mother to Expressions in Columbia Falls. Luella, who’s had progressive dementia for several years, had never told Kay about Roger.

“Then one day I got an e-mail from Roger’s niece with some jaw-dropping news,” Kay said.

It was April 2012, twenty-three years after Roger started his search. His niece, who enjoyed doing genealogy research online, had taken over the case.

“I remember her telling me about Roger, ‘He’s my favorite uncle, a great guy, you’d be so blessed to have him in your life,’” Kay said.

Roger and Kay talked on the phone and by e-mail until last week, when Roger and Margy drove up from Texas to meet his mother and sister for the first time. Kay and Roger learned they’re both Christians, share some health issues and both have boys — Kay, three, and Roger, two.

“It’s been a real gift from God,” Kay said. “We all share the Lord. I think he directed us to all come together.”

“We fit totally together,” Roger said. “My wife and Kay also have a lot in common. They’re both soft and warm people. And Earl is a really great guy.”

Both sides of the family are planning a big reunion that has everyone excited.