Seven dresses

K.J. HASCALL / Hungry Horse News

I'm getting married in October. I'm thrilled, but then again, I'm not the sort of girl who meticulously plans her wedding down to the last rose petal (A friend has five different versions of her wedding planned; thank goodness she's getting married in September!). So for me, one of the last remaining details is one of the biggest: the dress.

This past weekend, I ventured down to Missoula with Jasmine Linabary, good friend and editor of the Bigfork Eagle. Jasmine is getting married in June and we went to pick up her wedding dress. It's beautiful.

After she tried her dress on one last time to make sure everything was just right 'she confessed to nightmares of receiving the wrong dress by accident), it was my turn to try on dresses.

I have to admit, I've been avoiding this rite of passage. First of all, there's the dreaded "white dress diet." I'll freely admit I like to cook and eat a bit too much. And while I'm sure twice weekly hikes this summer will help, I'm worried about reaching my goal.

Secondly, I'm having a destination wedding in the ever exotic Nebraska, so I worry about transportation of the dress.

Finally, have you looked at wedding dress prices lately? Outrageous!

Basically, I've just avoided the whole affair.

But I bucked up and tried on seven dresses Saturday. Quite the experience.

The first thing I realized is that wedding dresses are pretty prisons. Between the tulle, yards and yards of fabric and the corset, there is no escape. Runaway brides are a myth. I've gone to my fair share of weddings and the weirdest part is the fact that a personal assistant means the poor girl who has to help the bride go to the bathroom.

That leads me to my next observation. Ditch your modesty now, girls, for there's no part of you about 10 people won't see while you tug and jerk that dress on. At the bridal store, women I had never met in my life have seen just about every part of me.

But there's a camaraderie that comes with finding the dress. Many of the women in the store offered helpful tips from their own experiences — "Wear Spanx (body-shaping garment that gets rid of those unsightly rolls around one's middle section) … just make sure to take it off before your husband sees you" — and horror stories as well.

"I know one girl whose husband passed out drunk after the wedding and she couldn't get out of her dress by herself," one woman said. "She had to spend the night in it."

Remember what I said about pretty prison?

Jasmine said that when she found "the one" (the dress, not her fiance), she started crying. I guess it's a bit like falling in love.

I didn't feel that for any of the dresses I tried on except one. It gathered at the stomach, a confection of lace and sequins that made me look damn good if I do say so myself. Only one problem. The price tag: $800.

WHO has that kind of money!

One thing I've failed to mention is that I've kicked around the idea of making my own dress. My grandmother is a talented seamstress and I think it would be such a memorable experience to make my wedding dress together.

Plus, I didn't find anything that fit my vision of the perfect dress. I'm unconventional. I want a cotton wedding dress overlaid with eyelet. I'd like it to be calf-length to show off the yellow heels I plan to wear. It has to have pockets. And without excessive satin and lace, it's easily escapable. I will be able to the bathroom by myself, thank you very much.

So even though my grandmother lives more than 1,000 miles away, I think we'll figure out a way to make the dress.

And it definitely won't cost $800.

K.J. Hascall is the managing editor of the Hungry Horse News.