Whitefish and San Francisco

San Francisco is bigger than Whitefish. That fact clearly dictates political issues being remarkably diverse. For instance, down in the "City by the Golden Gate" the people have just decided to forbid police from arresting "girls of the street." Prostitution is still a crime under existing state law, but "The City's" cops aren't going to enforce it anymore. Hanky panky for pay is basically decriminalized within city limits. Proponents of the new ordinance say the measure will free up $11 million spent last year on harassing, arresting and prosecuting those ladies engaged in the "oldest profession."

Meanwhile! Back here in Big Sky Country, we have our own unique and special problems.

What is the Whitefish City Council going to do about the emotional "chicken issue" in the Holliday Village? We, the concerned citizens of the entire Flathead Valley, are sitting here on needles and pins as I write this Monday morning. By the time the weekly papers come out that particular question should be settled; but passed or rejected, this is a matter which may not just go away. Such ideas could lead to Columbia Falls proposing a "goat ordinance" or maybe Kalispell authorizing "goose and duck laws." Downtown Polebridge might opt for grizzly bears. No one knows how far-reaching this serious public matter may become.

How would you like to be on that Whitefish council, facing such a mind-boggling decision? The proposed ordinance would allow each family residence within city limits to keep and maintain up to three female chickens, i.e. hens. Pre-vote reaction is reported to show "strong residential support." If everyone in town took advantage of such a law, it could mean thousands of cackling biddies along all the alleys and avenues, not to mention the aroma of their accumulating residue.

Another issue is the new ordinance banning males, i.e. roosters. It does not specifically mention the possibility of keeping a neutered male; however, this carefully thought out chicken proposal is obviously not something to crow about. All those hens would be condemned to a life without love, That might make them cackle even more and quit laying eggs … unless arrangements were made to routinely take them out in the country for a conjugal visit with a legal "rural resident rooster." A few enterprising country dwellers might even start up a regular chicken "stud farm."

Do you wonder, "Who dreams up this stuff?" And, consider the thoughts of people who just moved to Whitefish from San Francisco. We know where they stand on "chicks" but … what about real actual chickens?

G. George Ostrom is a Kalispell resident and a national-award winning Hungry Horse News columnist.