Lakeside resident named Big Brother of the Year

By JACOB DORAN / Bigfork Eagle

There's a phrase in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program that describes the time big brothers and sisters spend with the children they are matched with. Simply put, the phrase is "little moments, big magic."

Without a doubt, that describes the time that Lakeside volunteer Bill Harris spends with his "little brother" Tanner Eshom. For close to nine years, Harris has spent time every week enriching his little brother's life with experiences and life lessons that will last a lifetime.

Because of the example Harris has set for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program and the fact that he was instrumental in getting the program started in the Flathead Valley, 30 years ago, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Flathead County nominated him to be the Big Brother of the Year for the state of Montana—an award that was given to him by Kalispell Mayor Pam Kennedy on Monday, during the city counsel meeting.

Kennedy presented Harris with a plaque, in appreciation of his dedication, example and three decades of continued support for the program in Flathead County.

When Harris first began discussing the need for a program like Big Brothers Big Sisters in the Flathead with Alden Beller and Joel Hogetun, they all agreed that there was a significant need to help provide stability and mentoring for the large number of children who were being raised in single-parent families. Studies have shown that children from single-parent families are often at a higher risk of being involved in drugs and other undesirable activities.

Although some suggested that Flathead County start its own program, Harris felt that being affiliated with Big Brothers Big Sisters of America would afford them the structure and credibility needed to be successful. Together, they ordered a video and began talking to organizations like the local Kiwanis Club to raise seed money for starting up a branch in Flathead County. Soon, they had formed a board of directors and established ties to the national organization.

Since that time, the program has grown and had a positive impact on the lives of young people countywide. Today, the program has 100 established matches in Flathead County and a waiting list of 50 children who want to paired with a big brother or sister.

Although the majority of existing matches have consisted of women who are paired with girls, most of those who are awaiting a match are boys in need of a male mentor to spend time with them each week.

From the start, Harris maintained that he would like to become a Big Brother mentor when he had more time to do so. When that time came, in the summer of 1999, Tanner Eshom — now a junior at Bigfork High School — had already been waiting to be matched for two and a half years.

Eshom's father died when he was just three years old, and his mother wanted him to have the benefit of a male role model who could be a positive influence in his life. In short order, Harris and Eshom were spending time together and sharing countless "little moments" that have added up to big things in both of their lives.

Over the years, Harris and Eshom have baked cookies, gone to movies, made their our miniature golf course, built a tree house in Eshom's backyard, caught crawdads, kayaked, hunted rabbits and enjoyed a myriad of other activities together. In fact, Harris has not missed a single birthday, school concert or important moment in the life of his little brother.

One of their favorite activities is foosball. When they first started playing, Harris could hold his own with Eshom, but as Eshom grew in skill and competitiveness he began winning game after game. Today, he says he has to let his big brother win from time to give him the incentive to continue playing.

However, perseverance is one of the lessons that Harris has attempted to teach and to model for his little brother, stressing that in order to be successful in life you can never give up. In fact, every activity that they have done together has come with a lesson, which Harris purposefully planned in such a way that the experience would stick with Eshom throughout his childhood and carry over into his adult life.

Although Harris has raised three daughters of his own and admits that some of what he has passed on to Eshom was first employed in teaching his own children, he says that his relationship with Eshom has never been as a father but as a friend, guide and mentor in life.

"It's not for me to always make his decisions for him," Harris said. "I help him to think things through, weigh out the pros and cons, and encourage him to make his own decisions about what is the right thing to do and what is the best thing to do. I try to give him the principles and tools that will guide his decisions and be useful to him in the long term.

"It's different than any other kind of relationship. Big Brothers Big Sisters is positive, proactive and preventative. When mistakes are made—and we all make them—Tanner learns from them and doesn't repeat them."

Harris says he has found being a Big Brother to be a two-way street, stressing that what a person gives he also gets back. He adds that he has learned a lot from his little brother and has gained exposure to things that he would not otherwise have been exposed to.

"I have learned how a young boy sees the world in this day and age," Harris said. "Young people today face enormous pressures on many fronts within a rapidly changing world. Above all, I have received the opportunity to fulfill a vital role in this young person's life, which I believe has supported him in becoming a fine young man. I have learned to believe in him and he has learned to believe in himself."

The friendship that Harris and Eshom share is one that Eshom believes will last a lifetime.

"When I was younger, Bill always called me," Eshom said. "Now, we call each other. It's been an experience that I'll never forget and it has taught me things that I will probably use in all the things I do in the future."

BBBS match support specialist Kristin Gregoire praised Harris as a perfect example of what a Big Brother should be and do.

"He is a stellar big brother," Gregoire said. "He's just a great example of what our program is supposed to be."