Surrounded by trademarks

A few days ago, I rolled out of my comfy Stockholm(R) mattress (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 2,444,479) and washed up in my Kohler(R) sink (U.S. Trademark reg. no. 577,392), and slicked back what's left of my hair with my Provo(R) hairbrush (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 3,195,553).

I pulled on my Rockport(R) pants (U.S. Trademark reg. no. 1,706,924), LaCrosse(R) shoes (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 1,743,247), and Modena(R) shirt (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 2,607,231), and made my way downstairs.

I sidled into the breakfast table and spread Philadelphia(R) cream cheese (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 2,493,487) on my Brooklyn(R) bagel (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 2,897,123) with a Savannah(R) knife (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 3,109,877).

I savored a few minutes of peace, sipping a cup of Roma(R) coffee (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 2,108,325) while listening to one of my old Chicago(R) records (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 1,975,020) and read New York(R) magazine (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 1,135,730) before the kids swarmed into the room wearing their Atlanta(R) clothing (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 1,510,178).

I made my escape, unlatching the Paris(R) lock (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 2,924,290) on my house, with the intention of speeding away in my Pontiac(R) (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 2,536,823) with its Cleveland(R) gears (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 538,737).

As I stepped out onto the porch and put in a pinch of Copenhagen(R) (2,086,026), the thought struck me as to how ridiculous it is for anyone to think that he could possibly trademark a city name. I was so upset I nearly blew out my Denver(R) shunt (U.S. Trademark reg.no. 1,450,584).

Patrick Burkhart

Chicago