Like there I … you know … was

Spent too much time last weekend watching the basketball playoffs to the "Final Four." Saw some amazing athletics but it detracted from the game's excellence to hear so many young people during the interviews who were unable to express ideas in even simple English. That reminded me of a piece written in 1991, which was about the time our kids were actively learning to butcher all oral communications.

Like I was thinking, hey man, what's happening to…you know…our spoken language? Like too many of the new…you know…generation…exemplify the concept of fuzzy thinking producing like you know…fuzzy talking. I was like listening to all the young jocks and some entertainers on, you know, the TV and it was like…crazy man. You know, they can't run off one single simple sentence, like they haven't been…you know…to school. I was like thinking, that maybe they couldn't express themselves because they like use a lot of, you know, drugs or something, but lately I've seen some that… you know, aren't like spaced out. You know what I mean. Like a leading player for the you know, Buffalo Bills, used "you know" five times like in two sentences. For a while I wasn't…like worried you know. I thought like how could that big city gibberish stuff be learned in the Flathead homes and you know…school systems? Like a lot of our teachers have been, you know, to college and I was sure like they aren't teaching that stuff you know in like universities. But now you know it looks like they are teaching it or like…you know…tolerating it. A lot of, you know, kids around here are starting to…you know…sound like what I have just…you know…like written here.

What's going to you know, happen if everybody has to like start talking that way? It'll cost you know, millions for the extra pages in newspapers and magazines. Look at just changing all the signs, "Watch for Like Ice on You Know Bridges," or "Like No-You Know-Smoking," and "Please Like Stop When Light Is Flashing-Like-You Know-Red."

I guess I've got some thoughts for young people who like to talk in the manner illustrated. If you are absolutely sure and guaranteed that you are going to win a full-ride athletic scholarship to a major university followed by a guaranteed contract to play in professional sports, then keep talking…like…you know. After all, nobody will expect you to be a great pass catcher…and smart too. If you have already sold songs to an ACSAP music company and are negotiating a long-term contract, then you know, like hey, talk anyway you want.

If you do not fit into either one of these categories, it might be a real good idea to look up "you" in the dictionary, look up "know" in the dictionary, and then start using both words a lot less often and correctly…BEFORE YOU START LOOKING FOR A JOB.

For you teachers and parents who are allowing young people within your sphere of influence to like talk…you know, like blithering tongue tied buffoons, I have a question, "…like…WHY?"

Like man, it's tough writin' like this. I'm…you know…gonna…you know…stop right here. Know what I mean?