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Welcome to my very skunky office

| September 7, 2005 11:00 PM

As I sit here and write this there is a fog about me. A fog of skunk.

Check that. A fog of skunk and potpourri. The potpourri is losing out, big time.

Seems the skunks had a big old party somewhere near the house last night and got to spraying.

They say a skunk doesn't spray unless its frightened or scared and that might true, but it seems like every skunk that has ever come close to my house has sprayed.

Usually when a skunk sprays near the house there's some sort of corresponding racket. Like a cat fight or the squeal of brakes or a single dog bark and then a long howl of pain.

But on this night, with all the windows open in the house, there was nothing, just a dense odor that was so foul that the only place really fit for sleeping was, oddly enough, the livingroom Davenport.

The rest of the house smelled like the skunk had taken a tour of the joint and wet itself on every carpet. In fact, I think it might still be under my bed, but I'm too afraid to look.

Have you ever seen skunk spray up close and personal? I have. It's yellow and greasy and smells nothing like that road-killed skunk you passed by on the way to Wal-Mart.

Real skunk, true blue skunk, is a horrible concoction that will make your stomach wretch and your eyes water to blindness.

That's not the skunk smell in my office. Not 24 hours later.

No, the skunk smell in my office is a dense but somewhat sweet bouquet, a warmth in the palate that makes you take notice, for sure, but nothing you can't handle.

Well, that is save for the slight headache and feeling of nausea. It's the sort of nausea you get when a plane banks too hard on approach. You'll get over it, sure, just as long as the pilot doesn't start doing rolls on you.

I'm not wholly objectionable to skunk smell. Quite the contrary. The distant smell of skunk isn't an entirely unpleasant thing. Some pretty good beers smell skunky. In fact, my favorite, Molson, often has a hint of skunk.

Bad smells take on a different meanings the farther away they get.

I also like the distant smell of a cigarette. Gasoline at the right distance also has an odd, but somehow attractive bouquet as well, which is strange.

There's probably some science to all of this.

But right now the smell of this skunk is just plain raunchy. Downright nasty. Maybe by Thursday he'll start smelling better.

I sure am hoping so.

Chris Peterson is the editor and a columnist for the Hungry Horse News.