How to punish a car

I will not soon forget the night in 1951 when the Missoula police called the Smokejumper barracks to tell me they had "one of my men," Al Cassieri, in jail.

They said he had been arrested while chopping open a car down on Woody Street in front of Spider's Maverick Saloon. I drove into town for Al's side of the story.

Al said he and his brother had gotten into a "friendly fight" in the bar and his brother had hit him a dirty but solid blow below the belt, then ran and jumped in the car and locked the doors.

Al said he felt a fraternal duty to get the kid out of the car and teach him some manners.

In Brooklyn, where they were raised, it was all right to fight dirty…but not with your brother.

So Al had gotten an axe out of the trunk and was working on the door when the police came by and handcuffed him. He said he didn't mind that but the kid shouldn't have cheered when they loaded him in the paddy wagon.

After eliciting a solemn promise from Al that he would drop his petty complaints against his kid brother, and finding that his car was not insured, I pointed out to the police that no crime had been committed.

We all agreed that it was a rather funny event and they released Al to my custody.

Should I have time someplace down the road, I will write a Smokejumper book and have a full chapter on Cassieri.

That will include details of the time he drove off the fence around the old Fort Missoula swimming pool for a five-dollar bet…and landed on concrete, one foot short of the water.

I was reminded of Al Cassieri when I reported on my morning newscast about an incident up in Lincoln County.

A witness saw a car go out of control and crash while coming down the Libby Creek road, so he went to the nearest phone and called for help.

When the ambulance and the officers arrived at the scene, the wrecked car was burning bright enough to light up the countryside; however, when the fire was extinguished, no bodies were located. Investigators did find the gas tank had been chopped open with a hatchet.

While the sheriff's deputy was pondering the situation, two inebriated men staggered out of the dark, upset about the flames being doused.

They said they had been sitting up on the "hillside" really enjoying the "wunnerful fire."

Turns out, one of the men was the owner of the vehicle and after it had let him down by failing to properly follow the road, he decided to teach it a lesson while they had a few more drinks.

The car owner was charged with DUI but I don't know whether or not they made it stick.

He could have claimed he was not drunk at the time of the accident. That tactic of course, would have forced him to admit he'd burned up his own car while sober, which might be tough to live down…even in Lincoln County.

Nominee for "Jerk of the Month" should be the guy in Lincoln County who tried to call down the law on a woman who was hitchhiking beside Highway 2 near a tavern east of Troy.

As the evening grew cooler and no ride came along, the desperate lady, sans-bra, began opening her blouse to the view of the passing cars.

Our hero called Sheriff's officers and told them they should do something about "this disgraceful situation."

Only a cad would betray a lady trying doubly hard to get home to her hearth and loved ones; but it takes a world-class jerk to do such a thing after "watching her for 45 minutes."