What I've learned

Esquire magazine does this feature every month called "What I've learned." It's sort of like an interview, but the interviewee expounds on, well, you guessed it, what they've learned.

This is what I've learned, well, at least what I've learned in the past year. I've pretty much forgotten everything else.

To split a piece of birch, peel the bark off first and then hit it with the ax. Save the bark. It makes a great fire starter.

Birch is a nice firewood, but even seasoned birch left in the rain will soak up the water.

If you walk the dog at 6 a.m. every morning, don't expect to get up at 9 a.m. New Year's Day. You'll smell the mess before you see it.

The Constitution says go ahead, write whatever you want. Just don't let your wife see it.

Life is like the North Fork Road, a sheet of ice with plenty of bumps. Hit the brakes too hard and you'll wipe out, easy. Trick is to keep off the gas when you have to, take in the scenery, and be easy on the wheel.

Even a big place like Glacier can't hide Laura Bush.

Girls fart just as much as boys. Ask my daughters.

Not much lives at the top of a mountain.

A wolverine waddles like a duck.

It doesn't take much water to make a kid happy. It takes even less mud.

Let your kids fall down once in a while. Boy Wonder busted through the ice the other day and went up to his waist in water. It was fine at first, then it broke. It was perfect. He learned that ice needs to be tested and tested often, without getting hurt.

The romance leaves firewood right after you've cut the first load.

If your rig breaks down, get a second and even a third opinion. You can go from a blown transmission to a joint that needs 50 cents worth of grease in a hurry.

The best meals take about a day and a half to cook.

A Hungarian visited us at the holidays. He made Hungarian goulash. It's pronounced goo-yash and it tastes nothing like that crap they gave you in grade school. It's very, very good. Paprika, beef, onion, potatoes, tomatoes, all tender. Very nice.

Make sure that's sugar, not salt.

A good saddle costs more than a horse.

There's no such thing as a free dog.

Chris Peterson is the editor of the Hungry Horse News.